Relationships are really the backbone of our lives. They can lift us up and they can make us feel as low as we feel it’s possible to go. They can put us through a roller-coaster of emotional ups and downs. We can enter into them so full of hope and faith and giddiness that we are unaware of the pitfalls. There won’t be any, not this time we say…
We know by now that there are always speed bumps to anything we value. Let’s pre-empt, prepare and keep things in perspective when a stressful relationship ‘issue’ presents itself.
A strategy to dissolve stress in relationships.
There is powerful method called the Demartini Method® that I use constantly for my clients. It helps to dissolve stress and any other feeling that keeps us playing small.
We are part of the universe and therefore the same laws that govern the universe govern us too. None of us are immune to universal law. Gravity as it's a universal law is an easy way to show that no one is immune. Who’s tried to fly? Yep, there’s gravity!
There is a powerful Universal law called the law of transparency and reflection. The world is a mirror that is holding up and reflecting back to us our perceptions and beliefs in the form of our reality every day.
If you don’t like the reflection there is a way to change the mirror. Here’s a few simple steps to help.
1. Take the time to Smile at your reflection in the mirror every morning. Become your own best friend. Simple but super important!
2. Have an affirmation on hand that you read and look yourself in the eye. Maybe it can be as simple as this : You’ve got it! Or I’m here to back myself. Or Imagine the wonders the universe has in store for me today. Or I set the intention to have a really fulfilling day or[…..fill in the blank…] today.
3. What judgment do you have in your relationship with yourself - Where are you not friends with you? If you were your best friend – what are 1,2 or 3 things would you say to yourself to make life a little nicer for yourself today?
4. What judgment do you have about your relationships with others? Why can’t they be more like me? Why do they have to be so arrogant? Why can’t they be tidier, more loving, put together, friendlier to my friends? The list goes on. Pick the one that is bothering you the most and move on to step 5.
5. This is a great one for dissolving charge or that p’ed off feeling we can get when we are judging someone, usually those we are in a relationship with. The more we judge someone the more we are “blind” to not seeing where we do the very thing we are judging them with. We will do our version of it. I know what you are thinking, as my clients all say to me - I am not as bad as HIM/HER! What is bothering you the most?
6. Own where you do that very thing (in your way). You will think they do it much worse than you, but keep going to all the other times you have done your version of that trait or what you perceive they are doing)...till you can say oh-oh it’s pretty even. How did I know that? I have a little motto – the more you judge the more you do that very thing.
7. Can you feel the “charge” being lessened. That p’ed off feeling is not quite so strong now? If you need more clarification just sing out and we can talk about it.
This is the place to start the conversation from…not from the place of judgment which is only based on your viewpoint. When you take the judgment out of the conversation, both sides will be heard and you may not say something you regret and can’t unsay. You don’t need more to be stressed about. Things get resolved quicker.