I have a conversation about the benefits of negative thinking most days I am consulting with my clients. Initially I may get an odd look, but eventually I can demonstrate this for my clients and they are always pleasantly surprised by what happens when they look at both sides of an event that occurred in their lives. Read on as I explain…
“We want that which supports our values yet we attract that which challenges our values”. Dr John Demartini
There in lies the source of most human suffering. There in lies the source of your suffering. Most people want a pleasure without a pain. We want a one sided world that’s 100% positive. I have one question for you. Have you ever been able to get rid of that negative side of you? I know I haven’t. So my next question is, what is it really doing there?
Often our negativity is caused by fear. We are fearful because we are visualizing more pain than pleasure in the future. Or our negativity can be caused by guilt and shame of something we feel bad about doing in the past. If this is the case, we are under the illusion that we caused more pain than pleasure in the past.
So what’s the secret to balancing the negative part of ourselves that we can’t get rid of? First it’s to understand what’s it’s doing there. Simply put the negative part of you is there to make sure you know when you are off track and not focusing on the important things that will bring you closer to your own path of genius. Your negative side of yourself is there to serve you.
At every workshop I do, we talk about the secret to success. The secret is to choose a challenge that lights you up. It’s big, juicy, audacious and one that you have to grow beyond your current reality in order to achieve it. If you pick a big challenge and understand the dynamics of any relationship that you are in, including the one with yourself – you will be in a position to be a leader in your own life. Because you have both positive and negative you can play a much bigger game.
Our natural state is to grow: physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually.
Growing takes challenge
Growing takes pain or effort
Growing takes insult and put downs and rejection
Growing takes negative things happening to us for us to appreciate the positive
Growing takes gratitude and a universal perspective
Growing takes the courage to be you
Growing is not always easy. But we do it anyway, so it makes sense to make it intentional.
I don’t want to negate or discount anything you have gone through if you are still feeling negative about your past. It's your story and it’s a very effective one because it’s has got you where you are today, with all the wisdom, hindsight and foresight and perceptions that are essential for your life today.
But, if you don’t want that story to be the only story of your life, and you want one that might be more fulfilling and aligned to who you really are, there is only one way forward. Embracing challenge and support (my words for positive and negative) in equal amounts instead of only looking for the support/pleasure/good times is the way forward. There is always a balance of both energies. Knowing that and expecting that, is actually easier.
Be up for the challenge and be up for seeing the balance. – it will free you from the bondage of the baggage that you carry around with you. You just need to see your potential, which always lies on the other side of the emotion that keeps you stuck.
Thank that part of you that is up for the growth. That is the universal part of you. The limited part of you only wants to gain pleasure and avoid pain. There in lies the disharmony. Take these principles on board and it will change your life.
Our bones and muscles get weak if we don’t use them so it makes sense that our strength of mind comes from us using it. When everything is going well we start celebrating. When we are challenged we go to ground. We read things to build us up. We begin to focus on ourselves. We re-group. We center ourselves. We grow and we make our lives mean something more. If that’s the benefit of growth – why stop that?
How many of us have said - thank goodness for that pain/challenge/heartbreak/failure, because if it didn’t happen I wouldn’t have done this, or known that, or experienced that or made those changes that really moved my life forward. That magic and those realisations are sitting within every moment that you find painful. You don’t have to wait months or years or decades to find the gift of those tough times. It’s there immediately.
When you go looking for the magic and the realisations, this is what you will find:
You are the potential that is born of your experiences
You are the balance that you seek already.
You are the presence of mind if you ask the right questions
You are a strong, resilient and resourceful person
You are a universal being
You are put down from the outside in order for YOU to own your potential from the inside
You are here to be all about you and shine
The more you see things that happen to you as separate positive or negative events, the more you will see your life in separateness. The more you see them together the more you will own your life and not have life own you. You become your own truth when you own the positive and the negative part of you. Together they make you whole. That’s when life gets interesting. Have I convinced you to set yourself a challenge to embrace?