Can you love your inner critic?
Do you have an internal voice that is constantly criticizing and finding fault with what you do?
Do you know what it’s like to have conflict in your head - one part of you saying you’re not good enough, and the part trying to tell you you’re great; and actually you’re just a bit awesome too, feels like it’s being drowned out.
Which part usually wins? Is it the negative and critical voice? If so, how do we let the ‘positive’ voice win?
Well…. we don’t exactly. You see, I have a theory and it goes something like this: The ‘negative’ voice wins when you are not aware of the true nature of your being. Let me explain further what I think are essential components to silencing your inner critic – (if you still want to by the end of reading this.) and a few things to assist you.
1. Timing of the inner critic: Watch for the occasions when the inner negative voice begins to get loud in your life. Is it when you are you trying something new? Is it when you are finally giving yourself permission to build that business or dream, you know, that one you have been keeping on hold for so long? Is it when you are saying that I should do something for me instead of everyone else? Is it when you are up-leveling or need to approach someone of influence? What is the voice saying to you? Is there a familiarity to the words it uses?
There are clues for you in the language you are using. In a notebook or on paper capture and write down what that ‘voice’ is saying to you. Have a really good look at the words you actually use. They are not as powerful when they are out of your head and on paper.
2. Knowledge is power: Your true being is governed by Universal Law, meaning - you cannot have a positive without a negative occurring every time (at exactly the same time). You need to remind yourself that having both positive thoughts and negative thoughts are absolutely vital. Amazing right? If you want to be a magnet then you need to embrace your negative side as well as your positive side. Have you noticed that negative part of us never goes away, no matter how much we try? It has to be there for a reason. Have you tried to magnetize anything with a magnet…you need both the positive and the negative part to the magnet. (The north and south poles of a magnet.) And, as we know, when you turn the magnet onto another magnet, it repels it.
Live with Universal Law and know that you are perfect the way you are. Acceptance becomes important. You are both positive and negative. Both sides of you are important so don’t only listen to the negative voice. Hear what the positive voice is saying too. You need both sides to be magnetic.
3. The negative side of you or your inner critic is there for a reason. Wouldn’t you like to know what she is doing in your life? Perhaps a more meaningful question could be: I wonder what you are doing in your life that brings her out. Are you setting a big goal but have the timeframe too short? Have you jumped straight to the end result of a new project and now it feels HUGE and too BIG for you. (How will I ever cope if it’s really successful you might find yourself saying.) You may feel like your fear is on fire and your courage has run for cover. Are you trying to be 100 % positive all the time? Are you freaking yourself out because you haven't broken or chunked a vision into small enough bite size pieces, so your brain can figure out how to achieve what you want. Are you comparing yourself to someone or something? Your negative voice is representing fear. You will create fear when you have your vision too big in your mind. Big thinking is great – I love it, but it’s vital to give some thought to the little things that done on a daily basis, will ensure success for you.
I recommend spending time with someone that you can have a brainstorm session with. Someone that will help prompt the questions that you need to find the answers to your big goals, by pushing your thinking out and then help you put the detail in it. Quiet the fear so you can move forward. Or if no one is around to help, spend some time with a big sheet of paper and pens and map out where you want to go and what it’s going to take to get there. Then prioirtise those action steps. It helps to see all the parts that you need to consider. Now look at the fear and see if it feels as big in your mind or if your inner critic has become more neutralized. If it hasn’t brainstorm some more till you have more detail on paper.
4. I tell my clients all the time - if your negative voice says that you are not good enough…that’s actually positive news! Imagine you are a rooky singer and all your friends or parents tell you are great and you believe them. You then go to an American Idol audition with little singing experience and you show up expecting to get your big break. You get laughed off the stage and feel humiliated because you are not good enough. It’s a great reality check. Everyone up to that moment has been too nice to tell you that you needed lessons and weren’t good enough. Some people we have seen over the years of ‘AI’ took that on and said they are going to prove to the judges that they are good enough. They trained and worked hard and really upped their game before they came back again, and indeed proved people wrong. Others as you saw just blamed the judges for their shortcomings.
Write down at least 5 ways that the not good enough inner critic/judge/jury has served you in the past.
5. Express gratitude that you have an internal inbuilt system to make sure that you are on track and prepared. Instead of judging it – be thankful as it’s holding you accountable and making sure that you are ready to step up to the ‘plate” prepared for what’s ahead. The reason it’s there is to help you work harder, try harder, prove something to yourself and others. When you have done those things you actually have more to be proud of. You have usually grown your skill base and have more faith in what you are doing as well.
We hate hearing it from other people but our own self, loves us enough to make sure that we are prepared for the role that we want. Be grateful. Unconditional acceptance for those you love is even more powerfully magnified when you have unconditional love and appreciation for yourself. Be aware of both sides of your nature. There is nothing to get rid of. Everything is essential.
6. Remember you can’t have one side of yourself without the other side being present in your life. It’s Universal Law. We live on a planet called Earth that resides in a solar system, that’s part of a HUGE moving Universe, so the same laws that govern planets and solar systems also govern us.
The more you build yourself up and only think positive things the more the negative side will come out. So the only solution is to have the positive and negative voice in balance. You will then be hearing both of them at the same time. Now you have them both at your disposal…if you need to have a good talking with yourself to get you moving, you bring out the negative voice that says you are not good enough and can do better and keeps you striving and not settling. Once you know that there are benefits to the negative part of you, you will see how it helps you and then can use it as a powerful tool in your toolbox. That’s the moment that you let courage take over and grow your comfort zone by taking that step forward and begin to manifest what you want. You need both to grow. And be the leader in your own life.
The louder you are trying to make the positive voice, the louder the negative voice has to be to balance.
By not wanting to get rid of half of yourself (that negative part of you) you will see it's there to help you. You will see that you have everything you need to move forward and create what you want in life. You have the power to be your own your cheer-leader and critic.
Ultimately it’s there help you be more balanced, poised and purposeful.
The more you try to only hear the positive voice, the more the negative will fight to be heard. They go together. You can neutralize the impact of the negative voice by taking the time to see how it is serving you. There HAS to be a reason for it. This is life changing when you find out how this part of you that you think is negative, actually has a positive effect on you. When you neutralize the negative emotional charge, it has the added bonus of helping you anti-age from the inside out.
Instead of shutting down the voice and judging ‘her’ as bad and negative, actually ask what is she trying to tell you?
Now you are tapping into your own inner wisdom. The wisdom where the positive and the negative are necessary. It’s a great strategy to listen to both sides of you instead of trying to make one heard over the other. Both have their upsides and both have their downsides. Now you can direct them when ‘they’ are both being heard.